Yesterday was one of those days.
One of those days that you sit in the rocking chair, develop odd facial twitches, feel sobs push up, but you shove them back down because to sob over a teething baby would be silly.
"I am so tired " I told my husband, "but I am not complaining" I hasten to add.
"I got so little sleep, but I am NOT complaining" I said
He looked at me sympathetically. "I can handle my job" I say desperately.
He hugged me, "I know babe, I know you can, it's ok to tell me".
The sympathy pushed me over the edge, "I'm just so tired and worn out from nursing every 30 min and noboooody to bring me food" I wailed.
"But I am not complaining"! I draw back and give him a steely eyed look.
I push away from his wide solid chest because if I stay there I will dissolve into self pity, and you guys all know what happens when you self pity during the teething season. It ain't pretty.
The next day my baby went on a nursing strike. This was of course just grand after nursing every 30 min or so the day before! It broke me down a little. I eked a little bit of my neediness out to one of my friends. She has 6 children. They are ages 1 to 9. I knew she would understand and she would not judge. I send my "before-cleaning-up" pictures to her, she knows my dirty secrets (pun intended)
She replied back.....
And so she did. She packed up her 6 children, lunch, cookies, snacks and descended onto my house in her minivan. Within 15 min I was in bed, sleeping, wondering why God was so good to me. I slept for an hr. When I woke up I felt like a new person. I emerged from the bedroom to find lunch made for me, my children fed and doing school with her children and the two youngest (besides the baby) napping with her two youngest. We sat down together to eat. After lunch she said "go take a shower now, while I clean up" I sped for the shower as fast as the road runner. My hair was so lank I resembled willie Nelson but without the awesome singing voice. I felt so grateful I didn't know how to express it. It's hard for me to admit that my back is against the wall, and accept help. After lunch my mom appeared. She uncomplainingly rocked and fed a bottle of tea and milk to my baby who would take a bottle but would.not.nurse, all afternoon while I went to the grocery store, fixed and delivered food to a friend with a death in the family.
When I came back I told her humbly, "today was a day I could not have done it without help"! God sent me help, and I am so grateful.
Now forgive me while I go fetch a second cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate. The baby is still teething you see, but it's ok. My heart is warm, the coffee pot is hot and my children are fed. It's enough. Life is enough. Wonderfully, painfully enough.