Sunday, August 10, 2014

39 exhausted weeks....

I am 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I have friends who tell me they are pregnant. One very dear friend from ND sent me an excited text with the wonderful news and a picture of those beautiful pink lines on the pregnancy test. I rejoiced with her when I saw her teeny tiny little baby belly that is so real to her, but to me with my VERY stick outy baby belly seems like a totally flat belly. But I know how it is, I look back over my baby bump pictures and I am astonished. How does one go from so tiny to so big in such a small amount of time??

19 weeks? (just guessing) 

39 weeks
How is it possible that a grain of rice surges into a 7 lb baby in only 9 months time?

 Ahh but I am tired and ready to move past this stage, let me have my baby in exchange for prelabor contractions, let me have all night nursing marathons versus all night run to the bathroom marathons, let me cuddle this child that has been created inside me instead of this pillow I use to prop up my belly that lays in front of me like a entity completely separate from myself. 

   Friends make me laugh, friends make the way easier and better. Love, concern, impatience for me. It sinks deep inside my soul and refreshes what becomes empty.

This is honestly the best of times and the worst of times. Things hurt that I had not even known were an actual feeling part of me, I hover on the edge of going into labor, I sit on the side of the cliff and swing my legs in the breeze. Somebody please, push me over the edge!! 

36 weeks

My husband laughs as he sees me walk from the bed to the bathroom and back and forth and back and forth.  He watches in amazement as a small foot pushes out hard and travels across the globe of my belly. He carefully touches it and pushes it back in. The foot pushes back strongly and we both have to laugh. I try to reconcile in my head that this belly that is warm and alive with a life of its own will convert into a child. A baby that will sleep and nurse and live. 

Come baby, come because I am so ready to have you in my arms and so tired of having you in my belly! 

Friday, July 18, 2014

36 tired weeks

I am now 36 weeks along. The baby clothes are washed, the hospital bag sits empty beside the changing table. I am lethargic and meh. And yes, that is a selfie.

We went on a fun vacation and the children think I had fun.

I saw a gorgeous sunrise that briefly buoyed and sustained me/

Baby painted the pony cart with water, He comforts me with his little boyness, and his tight hugs and grubby hands. 

My world is black and white. My pictures are black and white.