Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Love and Hats

  It is the month of Love. The month of watching Madly Madagascar, and eating meringue tarts from the old Betty Crocker cookbook.  It was the month of improvised Valentine gifts and a hastily knitted hat. It was the anniversary of our first "I Love You's" An event that is almost more memorable to me then our engagement.

   We told each other that we loved each other the first time, 12 years ago,  two weeks after we started dating, via text. Actually we were not dating yet. We were not allowed to date until April. We were in that terrible position of love and happiness but not yet allowed to be together. So via text he confessed that he loved me, 2 weeks after asking me out. I, the ultimately happy single girl after two failed relationships. I, the girl who could not say "I love you" to anybody, happily wrote back with my heart thudding, "I too, love you". I remember slipping my phone into my pocket, stuffing my hands down deep into my sweater and grinning as I realized that, no mistake, I loved this man.

I loved him more then my family.
I loved him more then anything.
I loved him and I knew I was going to marry him, and I did marry him in spite of the buffeting winds of disapproval.
I married him, and I did it with my eyes wide open.
I would marry him again, and again and yet again, I would.

He makes me snow ice cream, he brings me coffee in bed when I was up late with the baby. He orders my food in restaurants, without pressuring me about what I want and he wants children too. He wants to work to live, not live to work. He is noble and honest. He makes his mistakes right and he cherishes me.  I look at him and I think how stupid and naive I was 12 years ago, and I wonder why I was smart enough to marry this guy.

  A friend who I see very rarely told me she heard about a year and a half ago that MrB and I were on the brink of divorce. I snickered at the time line. You see, a year and a half ago, our little Bobana was being conceived. We were far too busy to get a divorce! We were far too busy living and loving together to think of "not" living together.

  I love February, not only is it the month of love, but it is also the month that MrB asked me if I would date him and how much he loves me. Its the month I told him how much I love him, and it was the month I knew my happy single life was over.

 So to celebrate this beloved occasion, I knit him a hat. A lovely worsted weight wool Antler hat by Tin Can Knits. Its a free pattern y'all. And a very fast knit. It only took me 6 days of knitting evenings and a few spare moments to finish it up from ribbing to weaving in the ends.

  I watched him leave this morning, with the two year old who scribbles wildly over any surface he can reach whenever a magic marker lands in his hand, who dips socks into the toilet and who puts pennies into his mouth, he wore the hat I knit him, and the 2 yr old wore his matching knit hat, and I felt my heart was full.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Commuting Moms and Scattered Thoughts

  Waiting in my inbox this morning was an email from a popular Dr. He just wanted me to know that he has 99 "healthy" crockpot recipes that I "WILL" love. (that was of course written as I read it) 99 recipes? And they are healthy you say? And you say I WILL love them? How ridiculous to assume that I will love them and even far more ridiculous that all 99 are healthy and I will enjoy them. Its like when I am driving somewhere during the day, with all my children in my car. I look in the rear view mirror and all I can see is headlights 2 inches from my bumper. What? Why? We don't live in the city, or town or even an area with a lot of people. There is just never a good excuse to drive 60 mph bumper to bumper. Usually my first instinct is to see who is driving, if its a fellow Mom with children in her car it gets me seething quickly. Especially if she is part of the hoard that has just left the school from picking up her child. What can possibly be so urgent at home (or walmart) that she must risk angering a fellow countryman to get there?  Road rage and assumptions, you gotta see where I am going with this.

  To be quite honest, I don't really have any idea where this is going. I just woke up feeling sick on my stomach and couldn't sleep in spite of having a long busy day ahead of myself. I am trying to rearrange my scatter thoughts. Carefully I rope down a lunch menu, I pin it down to the mat and go fetch breakfast plans. I lay it flat and place a book on top of it to keep it from going anywhere, Now I must plan how I am going to get the wash started, when the laundry room is in such a rare explosive befuddle as to almost render it useless except to trip over coats and boots on the way out the door. First I will clean the laundry room, I muse. But no, first I have to gather up the piles of dirty wash and make clear parameters around whats clean and whats dirty, then I must clean the laundry room while the 6 yr old brings me the piles. ah now we are talking. I pause a moment to savor the aroma of fresh laundry detergent and gently swishing washing machine as if it were already done. I now must turn to the kitchen. My thoughts quickly pile up and scatter with the over stimulation that is my kitchen. Dirty kitchen towels dot each surface, the dishwasher is loaded very badly, with very dirty dishes. They must be taken out, rinsed and reloaded. The morning milk must be processed, obviously I forgot to gather up the kitchen laundry, and what about food for the couple of guys coming to help MrB. I am so frightened now that I allow a wind to flutter thru my mind and my thoughts scatter again, to all 9 corners of my brain.
  At this point I turned over again and went back to sleep... Wait.. no, I didn't go to sleep, I got up and started snow plowing the drifts of confusion and grime.

  This post has no point, its just flung from the furthest regions of a brain that would be better occupied with mathematics or the written word.